I wish I could see you all the time.

My life is going to change a lot pretty soon. I need to get my shit together though. Get my brain moving. I need to make something of myself and for myself. Be one of those drop out success stories. Need a real solid idea. Need a real solid shot. Just need to think. Life is hectic right now. In two weeks or so, it’ll calm down but also be a little emptier. Just wanna be someone someday.

I wonder how I can kill this self off. I’ve killed off a version of me. Out of necessity. Out of complete heartache and a fruitless pursuit. I knew better. But I did it anyway. It filled a void and I can’t lie, I was in love. It was probably wrong and I’m sure every ghost of everyone that’s ever died is staring at me. Real reason I’m scared of dying. I’ll have to be held accountable for what I caused and who I hurt and the mess I left behind. If it makes you feel any better, I’m a mess too. I’ll forever be tortured with the idea that I’ll pay for what I did. I’ll pay dearly. I’m sorry. I know you hurt me, and we hurt each other, but I should have never done that. I shouldn’t have taken advantage of the fact that I’d never have to show you me. The real me. The one that knows I’ll get pushed away, so I push first. I killed that off because the story died. It was bad. It still hurts to think about. Now I want to kill this self off. Just start another me. How? Do I have to be hurt? I am. So…how..
Thinking process. Work in progress.

I swear I’ll find something more to say someday soon.

I’m really fucking irritated today.

Waiting to hear your voice in the wind. Staying still enough to feel you in the warmth of the sun. I know you’re on your way. I can hear you breathing.

“A Romance of Many Dimensions”

I want to burn your image into my memory so when I close my eyes you’ll be the first thing I see. Your voice is a melody I hear only in my dreams. Your existence is a harmony with the earth that captivates me. Your heartbeat is my favorite song and my heart tries to sing along. Your spiritual being drifts through my atmosphere but I can’t catch it. I’m not meant to. Water flows freely through the earth, and the earth absorbs it. You flow freely through my universe and I absorb you.

Something somewhere. We’re all so very insignificant. We aren’t even a sparkle in the galaxy’s eye. And yet we’re all stupid enough to be miserable about something or someone. Nothing matters.

I’m not bitter anyway, but I didn’t want it to turn out this way.